When I copy-edit text, Capital Letters jump out at me as if they’re bold and underlined. Straightaway, I ask, Should that letter be lower case? Often in the case of ranks and titles, the answer is, Yes.
Spotting overuse of capitals
Take a look at the following text:
Version 1: Captain Henglebing threw down his sword. The Soldier must be mistaken! The Lieutenant had said that the King was dead, and his Queen with him; that one of the Night Watchmen – that idiot Sergeant Bongalong – had caved in their skulls with a battleaxe stolen from Lord Lunderwig. The Captain sank to his knees in horror. That blasted Sergeant. And that stupid Lord for having a battleaxe on his person in the first place in the middle of King Rebibilly’s birthday ball. Now the King and Queen were dead. Dead! And he would never have his wicked way with the Queen, which was a shame, because he was rather tiring of Princess Goldibell. The Princess was pretty, right enough, but that wart on the end of her nose was rather off-putting…
Putting aside for a moment the dubious quality of the tale itself, consider the capitalisation in the passage. We have:
- Captain (x 2)
- Soldier
- Lieutenant
- King (x 3)
- Queen (x 3)
- Night Watchmen
- Sergeant (x 2)
- Lord (x 2)
- Princess (x 2)
… all crammed into one 130-word paragraph. That’s a lot of words with initial caps. Imagine a whole book styled in this way – a pretty laborious read.
Now take a look at this version:
Version 2: Captain Henglebing threw down his sword. The soldier must be mistaken! The lieutenant had said that the king was dead, and his queen with him; that one of the night watchmen – that idiot Sergeant Bongalong – had caved in their skulls with a battleaxe stolen from Lord Lunderwig. The captain sank to his knees in horror. That blasted sergeant. And that stupid lord for having a battleaxe on his person in the first place in the middle of King Rebibilly’s birthday ball. Now the king and queen were dead. Dead! And he would never have his wicked way with the queen, which was a shame, because he was rather tiring of Princess Goldibell. The princess was pretty, right enough, but that wart on the end of her nose was rather off-putting…
The passage is exactly the same, but with those words that don’t need to be capitalised taken down to lower case. Do you see the difference? It’s an easier, smoother read.
The simple rule for capitalisation
Capitalisation is, to a certain degree, a style choice. But most copy editors opt for this style rule: captitalise a title or rank only when it’s used before a name, as a name or in a form of address. So, for example, we have:
- Prime Minster Teresa May made a speech. But: The prime minister, Teresa May, made a speech.
- Queen Bertha looked out of the window. But: The queen looked out of the window.
- Captain Earwig gave the order. But: The captain gave the order.
- ‘Yes, General!’ But: He said ‘Yes’ to the general.
Follow the rule, and you’ll find it much easier to apply a consistent capitalisation style that leaves your reader engaged rather than distracted by capital letters everywhere.
A final note for authors
Although Version 2 works, I think it’s a little too littered with ranks and titles. Readers can get confused when you introduce a character (e.g. Inspector Pierce) but then regularly refer to him by his rank (the inspector). Names are simpler, and they help the reader connect with the character. So I’d revise the passage to something along these lines:
Version 3: Captain Henglebing threw down his sword. The lieutenant must be mistaken! He had said that King Rebibilly was dead, and his queen with him; that one of the night watchmen – that idiot Sergeant Bongalong – had caved in their skulls with a battleaxe stolen from Lord Lunderwig. Henglebing sank to his knees in horror. That blasted Bongalong. And that stupid Lunderwig for having a battleaxe on his person in the first place in the middle of the king’s birthday ball. Now the king and queen were dead. Dead! And he would never have his wicked way with the queen, which was a shame, because he was rather tiring of Princess Goldibell. She was pretty, right enough, but that wart on the end of her nose was rather off-putting…
